Exhortations

Married Life

Married Life (Marriage)

Getting married is a very serious decision in life if you are not really ready to get into it.  You must love the person you’re getting married with and have made up that decision to spend the rest of your life with that person.  When you marry someone, you gave up some of your freedom; your space, time, action, and anything that you enjoy before the marriage. This could be a big adjustment in your life especially if you are a happy-go-lucky person. However, you are still in control of yourself and if you want the marriage to work you will do everything you can to have a successful and happy married life especially in raising a family.

Paul said,  husbands and wives in 1 Corinthians 7:5, Berean Literal Bible,  “Do not deprive one another, except by mutual agreement, for a time, that you might be at leisure for prayer; and be together with the same again, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.” This passage describes our bodies which Paul means not to deprive one another of each other bodies.

After God brought to Adam his wife he named Eve, the man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; for out of the man she was taken and they become one.” The wife owes her body to her husband where she came from.  This doesn’t mean that God gave Adam a slave, because the husband owes his body to his wife also. He says do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer, so this is not one-sided as it is a mutual agreement.

Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:4, NLT: “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.” Neither wives nor husbands are entirely independent of their bodies when it comes to marital duty—sex.

There was a belief that claimed that the body itself was evil and sex that brought the first man to sin should be avoided, even in marriage. The damaging participation in sexual sin is the one to be avoided—Temptation

There are many reasons why married people do not enjoy better sex life. One reason is that sometimes, a husband or wife is more focus to acquire material things that they put all their time to work and put aside the personal and sexual relationship with each other, with less knowledge that intimacy enhances their relationship. You do not automatically know what would please yourself or your spouse when you get married.  You may think that you know it all, but you may not know. It takes time and sometimes it comes late in the life of your relationship. Sometimes if not most of the time, problems arise and the marriage ends up in divorce or separation—Patience is needed.

Being married is not a joke if the couple would not share everything, trust each other and constant communication is very necessary so that you will know what pleases both of you. Being quiet to avoid arguments is not fruitful and it will only create a gap in your relationship. A dot of meaningless expression or act can only lead to a bigger and un-manageable reaction. Express the feelings in a nice communicative friendly talk and don’t just do it with facial expression, stamping of feet, throwing things around will not help, talk over it at bedtime which is better than on daytime.

Jealousy only brings distrust and when we lose trust with our partner, it will start to poison our minds and ruin a happy life together. When the wife starts to look emotionally disturbed and doesn’t take care of herself because of jealousy, it only gives the husband more than one reason to walk away from the relationship. Jealousy can physically, mentally, or emotionally hurt you. When you allow it then accept that you are at the losing end. Don’t let go of your good self to save your marriage.

When the husband starts criticizing the wife, the husband probably sees something different or the wife has changed from the time she was asked to marry him. Criticizing should not be the way the husband should treat the wife for her to realize that she is being noticed.  When the husband starts putting the wife down, the marriage could already be on the brink of destruction. Criticism,  such as the physical look of the wife, like,  “you look un-attractive (losyang) or too captivating or inviting (tukso-nakakahikayat).  Either one could be offensive and at this stage, the marriage needs to be saved by either one.

Experiencing an unbearable sense of security, such as financial can bring down relationships to be broken when finances are not right.  It links many disturbances; cannot think right, stress and anxiety, fighting with each other problems that would start to build up.  The focus to survive and the personal intimacy then would to fade and the couple start to get cold with each other. 

Adultery, pre-marital sex, over-loaded responsibilities, not getting help, and many could be added to these lists of reasons why marriage doesn’t succeed but at the end of the day, it’s between the husband and the wife that can make the marriage work and obey what the Word of God says.

1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins.” 4. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

We are never alone. God is love and will never get angry because we mishandled our marriage. He is for our successful marriage. Be mindful that God is the one that binds us together. If we will not rush and patiently wait for God’s timing, we will have a successful marriage. As described in the Song of Solomon “do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.”

Scriptures to meditate:

Colossians 3:14, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Isaiah 43:2, 1 Peter 4:8

God is all in all!

Bishop Joseph

Dr. Joseph Vitug, Ph.D. - Bishop Emeritus

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